Sitting here, 9pm on a Sunday evening. Red wine, candle lit, a couple of cookies fresh from the oven, thinking. Thinking about where I’m at, where I’ve come from, and where I want to be. Ya know, it seems like a common thought life as of late.
I’m in a weird place. Spiritually, emotionally, physically. I feel home, but still distant. I feel content, but close to complacency. I feel busy, achieving much and gaining little. I feel purposeful and a lack of purpose all at once. (click ‘continue reading’ to read the rest of “Perfectly Inadequate”)
Is this a season? Is this where I’m supposed to be? Is this how it will always be? I know the truth, and I know there’s a time and a season for everything. But, still, how many of us get in these valleys where we only seem to see walls around us that just look too high to climb out of?
I know who I am, and I know where I’ve been. I know where I’ve been, and how far I’ve come from that place. I know the depths that have been dug, filled with good and life and wisdom and experience, and those life-filled depths speak beyond the shadows I seem to feel now. It’s silly for me to think that these seasons where I feel inadequate or complacent are anything less than an opportunity to dig deeper. To dig deeper into who I am, what I’m here for, and what this life is all about.
Let me not run away from this feeling of inadequacy. This feeling of the ‘in-between’, the unknown. It’s just as purposeful as the moments I’ve seemed to have figured life out (for the moment), the moments I’m living well, and the moments I’m flourishing in. This inadequacy, this season, doesn’t have to be an enemy. It can be a friend, whom I learn to love, struggle with, cry to, and grow from.
Understand, self, that your present circumstance does not define the beauty of tomorrow, nor the influence you have on today. It isn’t a measure or result of the way you lived yesterday, or a means of definition. It is simply part of the process, part of the journey, an open invitation to dig deeper, believe more, love bigger, and above all, to hope.